Support for relationships and separation services

If you are considering a separation

A separation may seem like the only solution to relationship problems for a person who is considering it. Those who are considering a separation should, especially for the sake of children, find out all the different ways to get help for their problems before deciding to separate. Making a decision about separation is one of the most difficult decisions in a parent’s life. When considering a separation, it is a good idea to think about what challenges one seeks a solution for through separation. One should seek out help for problems early enough.

An “Ero lapsiperheessä” (Separation in a family with children) gathering provides information and support for parents who are considering a separation or who have separated and persons close to them. The gathering offers a chance to discuss issues related to separation, parenting and children. The discussion is led by voluntary parents who have experienced separation. During the consideration phase, you can also contact the Keski-Pohjanmaan perheasiain neuvottelukeskus (the Central Ostrobothnia Family Counselling Centre) or family counselling clinics.

Family mediation is meant for resolving a difficult situation or a conflict in a relationship or in a family when one’s own means or resources are running low. The goal with the discussion is to, together with the parties, seek new solutions or alternatives that will take everyday life forward, no matter what becomes the family’s solution. The mediator does not take a position on whether to separate or continue together. The position of the children is taken into account in the mediation. The mediation service is voluntary, free of charge and confidential. Mediation is offered by Keski-Pohjanmaan perheasiain neuvottelukeskus (the Central Ostrobothnia Family Counselling Centre) and the family counselling clinics in Kannus and Kaustinen.

When a relationship ends

Parenthood and rights and responsibilities related to it continue as parents separate. Children must be guaranteed the same right to their parents, regardless of whether they live together or separately. When a marriage or a common-law marriage ends, the custody, housing, right of access and maintenance of the parents’ shared underage children are agreed on with a child welfare supervisor. 

If it is difficult for the parents to reach an agreement on matters concerning a child’s custody, housing, right of access or maintenance, a co-parenting negotiation can be arranged, in which a child welfare supervisor is teamed up with e.g. a social worker or a social advisor. In co-parenting negotiations, employees can be of help in finding a compromise, and an agreement between the parents can be made and confirmed. Before the negotiation, the parents can fill out a parenting plan.

In order for the children to cope with the separation of their parents as well as possible, it is important to settle the children’s affairs constructively, despite any disagreements between the parents. The purpose of family mediation is to prevent disagreements from growing into constant disputes and quarrels between the parents. Mediators provide support and help in order to promote discussions between parents. The goal is to support the children’s relationships with both parents and that the everyday life goes smoothly despite the separation.

Mediation can be used to discuss all the issues related to organizing a child’s affairs on which it is difficult for the parents to reach an agreement. Formal agreements on child custody, housing and meetings with a parent are not made in mediation, but preliminary agreements can be prepared and they can then be confirmed with a child welfare supervisor at a later date. Mediation is offered by Keski-Pohjanmaan perheasiain neuvottelukeskus (the Central Ostrobothnia Family Counselling Centre) and the family counselling clinics in Kannus and Kaustinen.

Mediation in a custody dispute an also be carried out in a district court. In this expert-assisted mediation in custody disputes, the mediator is a judge who is familiar with family matters and is assisted by an expert in parenting and child development (a psychologist or social worker). The use of an expert assistant is free of charge for parents. Parents can either jointly or separately apply for mediation from the district court. The case can also be transferred to mediation from a pending trial. In this case, the trial is suspended pending the outcome of the mediation. The mediator may confirm the agreement resulting from the mediation, in which case it becomes enforceable. 

If the parents cannot reach an agreement, they can submit their claim to the district court of their underaged child’s place of residence for the determination of the child’s care, housing, right of access and maintenance. The district court may also, upon application, amend an earlier decision or confirmed agreement in the child’s matters if the circumstances of the child or parents have changed or there are other grounds for doing so. In connection with the proceedings, the district court may ask the social services for a report about the situation of the family. Those who write the report make a home visit to the parents, find out the child’s opinion and, if necessary, obtain information from other authorities. After the social services’ report has arrived, the parents are called to the main hearing, at the end of which the district court issues a decision on the matter.

Groups for adults who have gone through a separation

A person going through a separation needs information about the different stages of separation and about how to recover from it, as the information helps them understand their own situation better. Keski-Pohjanmaan perheasiain neuvottelukeskus (the Central Ostrobothnia Family Counselling Centre) regularly organises groups for adults who have gone through separation. The group for persons going through a separation, supports its members in mourning the loss, coping with the loss, and in letting the past go.

An“Ero lapsiperheessä” (Separation in a family with children) gathering provides information and support for parents who are considering a separation and who have separated as well as for persons close to them. The gathering gives an opportunity to discuss issues related to separation, parenting and children. The discussion is led by voluntary parents who have experienced separation. 

A peer support coffee group offers the opportunity to meet other parents who have gone through a separation and to share thoughts and experiences with others who are in the same situation in life.

The Kokkola meeting group is a meeting place for all single-parent families.

Keski-Pohjanmaan perheasiain neuvottelukeskus (the Central Ostrobothnia Family Counselling Centre) offers professional conversational help in matters of relationship and family, as well as in life crises.

Supporting a child after a separation

The way a child reacts to a separation depends on their age and development level. It is common for there to be regression in skills that have already been learned, or for routines such as eating or going to bed to become challenging. The child’s need for closeness increases and different kinds of fears are common. Older children may react with aggressive behaviour. The child is also prone to blame themselves for the separation of their parents. It is therefore important that the parents explain that the separation was the adults’ decision. 

If conflicts between the parents clearly make taking care of the child’s affairs difficult and are reflected in the child’s well-being and mental health, or if the child’s symptoms are strong or prolonged, contact a family counselling clinic.

There are groups for children who are experiencing a separation. The groups for children who are experiencing a separation are intended for primary school-age children who have experienced their parents’ separation and at least six months have passed since the separation. The aim of the group is to support the child in processing the parents’ separation and to support the positive development of the child in a challenging, changing situation. More information on children’s groups is available by phone.

You can contact family support services if the family’s situation is in such a crisis when a separation happens that there are shortcomings in the care of a child or a child’s growth and development are endangered. The contact initiates an assessment of the need for service, during which the employees meet family members together and separately, and meets parties that are familiar to the family from before. The purpose of the work is to assess the family’s need of help and support and what services could help the family.

You can contact or make a child welfare notification between 8 AM and 4 PM on weekdays. If you have an urgent matter at other times, please contact the emergency social services.